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We all take our lives for granted but when things go wrong, for whatever reason, we can become desperate, lost, and unable to ask for help, and struggle unnecessarily on our own. People change, or become mentally ill through no fault of anyone’s’, either through physical illnesses, accidents, substance misuse, are born with an illness or addictions. Most people believe that mental disorders are rare and happen to someone else. In fact, mental disorders are common and widespread.
Below is a scenario that many people know on a daily basis.
Right now I'm feeling angry, hurt and emotionally battered, after another row with my brother who is consumed with bi-polar, and drug induced psychosis.
For the third time in two days he’s accused me of having a personal vendetta against him, plotting against him and calling him all the names under the sun. Which I categorically have not. For a start I'm hardly ever in the house and often these episodes occur when I'm not even here.
Although we live in the same house I keep myself away from him, as to be honest I feel like he just isn’t my brother. He's not the brother I used to have, he was a nice lad, kind, clever, generous and someone I could look up to. Now he's a vile, manipulative, liar, he is unable to listen to what others say and is entirely self centred.
I actually hate him right now for bringing this into his life, for bringing this into all of our lives and all because he smoked cannabis. He's my older brother and he smoked his life away! The irony is, his psychosis only occurred when he gave up the evil drug.
I'm so mad right now I've just screamed at my mum, I think she's in denial, papering over the cracks with mini shopping trips to make up for the fact that I've just taken a verbal battering because she can’t face that her son needs help.
I hate this disease because it’s stolen my brother. It's stolen everything he was and could have been.
Right now I just don't want him near me because it's not him, I am ashamed to admit it but I wish he wasn't here.
I can't deal with this anymore.
Living with a close family member or friend who suffers with a mental illness needs help and support. Because of the stigma, misunderstanding, care agencies being over stretched, and a lack of education around different mental health presentations many people try to manage on their own.
In the days when people with mental disorders were sent straight to psychiatric hospitals, contact with family was often limited to a brief visit here and there. Most families are not prepared to cope with learning their loved one has a mental illness. It can be physically and emotionally trying, and can make us feel vulnerable to the opinions and judgments of others.
Mental health care professionals are recognising that support from friends and families are one of the best ways to help someone who is ill. Families can be members of the treatment team, where family is defined as an extended network of parents, children, siblings, spousal partner, and other relatives and close friends.
Since early intervention is the best treatment, family members can help by recognising early warning signs of mental illness, which can include changes in eating and sleeping, increased hostility or suspicion, apathy, withdrawal from others, major changes in personality, nervousness and problem substance use.
Family members should seek the help of a professional caregiver if a relative shows any of these symptoms. But after taking this step, friends and relatives should focus on treating the family member with love, respect and compassion. Families should remember to be patient, recovery takes time and there will be ups and downs, good days, and bad days. For most people with mental health illnesses, when they crash, they can't look after themselves financially. Families may need to help with this and it may cause stressors for all involved.
Families can help with medication by seeing that the prescription is filled regularly, reminding the person to take their medication and by alerting the professional caregiver if the family member shows signs of having stopped taking the medication. People on medication for their illness can often resist the help they provide, or misuse the prescription. They will only work if taken as prescribed, and your help in this is important for your loved one. Family observations can also help the GP find the right medication and right dosage, usually a matter of trial and error. Families also help with emotional support, problem-solving, financial and housing support.
If you think you or someone you know may have a mental or emotional problem, it is important to remember there is hope and help.
A mental illness is a disease that causes mild to severe disturbances in thought and behaviour, resulting in an inability to cope with life’s ordinary demands and routines.
There are more than 200 classified forms of mental illness. Some of the more common disorders are depression, bipolar disorder, dementia, schizophrenia and anxiety disorders. Symptoms may include changes in mood, personality, personal habits and social withdrawal. There is more information on the TRN mental health page.
Mental health problems may be related to excessive stress due to a particular situation or series of events. As with cancer, diabetes and heart disease, mental illnesses are often physical as well as emotional and psychological. Mental illnesses may be caused by a reaction to environmental stresses, genetic factors, biochemical imbalances, or a combination of these. With proper care and treatment many individuals learn to cope or recover from a mental illness or emotional disorder. But they and you need support.
Despite the different symptoms and types of mental illnesses, many families who have a loved one with mental illness, share similar experiences. You may find yourself denying the warning signs, worrying what other people will think because of the stigma, or wondering what caused your loved one to become ill. Accept that these feelings are normal and common among families going through similar situations. Find out all you can about your loved one’s illness by reading and talking with mental health professionals. Share what you have learned with others.
The outward signs of a mental illness are often behavioural. Individuals may be extremely quiet or withdrawn. Conversely, he or she may burst into tears or have outbursts of anger. Even after treatment has started, individuals with a mental illness can exhibit anti-social behaviours.
When in public, these behaviours can be disruptive and difficult to accept.
The next time you and your family member visit your doctor or mental health professional, discuss these behaviours and develop a strategy for coping.
Whenever possible, seek support from friends and family members. If you feel you cannot discuss your situation with friends or other family members, find a self-help or support group. These groups provide an opportunity for you to talk to other people who are experiencing the same type of problems. They can listen and offer valuable advice. TRN is a great resource for discussion, finding people with similar experiences, and just letting of emotional steam can help you through the day.
Therapy can be beneficial for both the individual with mental illness and other family members. A mental health professional can suggest ways to cope and better understand your loved one’s illness.
When looking for a therapist, be patient and talk to a few professionals so you can choose the person that is right for you and your family. It may take time until you are comfortable, but in the long run you will be glad you sought help.
It is common for the person with the mental illness to become the focus of family life. When this happens, other members of the family may feel ignored or resentful. Some may find it difficult to pursue their own interests.
If you are the caregiver, you need some time for yourself. Taking regular time away to prevent becoming frustrated or angry is imperative. If you schedule time for yourself it will help you to keep things in perspective and you may have more patience and compassion for coping or helping your loved one. Only when you are physically and emotionally healthy can you help others.
It is important to remember that there is hope for recovery and that with treatment many people with mental illness return to a productive and fulfilling life. TRN offer forums to hear others and express your feelings as you feel able. Seek help from your GP, social network, and friends on TRN and do not stay isolated with your feelings.
